Unlearn Helplessness
We all feel helpless sometimes, particularly when we are in situations where we have little control of our environment, we have all felt this way recently with COVID 19. That feeling of being stuck, helpless and trapped. For some people this feeling becomes overwhelming and all encompassing in a certain part of our lives - relationships, weight loss or our jobs.
There are 3 components to Learned Helpless:
🔸 Uncontrollable bad events
🔸 Perceived lack of control
🔸 Generalised helpless behaviour
It’s like that feeling of being rudderless in the storm where you aren’t able to control your direction and you will be swept away with the tide.
This often happens when we are made redundant or feel stuck in a job because we are financially dependant on the money coming in. You may apply for a number of roles where you fit the full requirements but you don’t hear back this happens enough times and it feels like there is nothing you can do and that there’s no point in trying because you’ll never get a job never mind one you love.
When we are stuck in a job we don’t love or we don’t make progress when searching for a job we become disengaged and demotivated. Research tells us that 87% of workers don’t have a passion for their work so don’t contribute their full potential - J Hagel et all ‘passion at work’ Deloitte’s Insights 2014.
Psychologist Martin Seligman’s experiments show that when we are put in circumstances where bad things happen to us which are beyond our control we develop ‘Learned Helplessness’. In the late 60s and early 70s, scientists Martin Seligman and Steven Maier conducted experiments where they would ring a bell and then shock the dog, in order to determine whether the dog would eventually anticipate that the sound of the bell predicted a shock. In the next set of experiments, they placed a dog into a box with two chambers divided by a low barrier. One side of the box was electrified and would deliver a painful shock. Without going into details of the experiment, what surprised the men was that the dogs who had learned in the previous experiment that there was no escaping being shocked would now simply lay down on the electrified side, making no attempt to get away. In other words, they shut down, resigned to the pain. The dogs who had not previously been shocked ran to the non-electrified side, thereby escaping the pain.
These experiments are clearly barbaric and traumatising for the dogs, but the same applies to humans and often we start to learn helplessness as children which continue to affect us throughout our adulthood.
When we find ourselves feeling resigned to our situation, unmotivated to take action and feel like it will never end you are experiencing ‘Learned Helplessness’ and it won’t go away by itself you need to take action to unlearn it.
By following this simple 5 step approach you can achieve success:
Recognise and find the root cause - what is the origin of your feelings, it is from your childhood or more recent events? In what circumstances do you start to feel helpless and develop a mindset to match? See if you can find a common thread so you can better tailor your solution.
Change your mindset - try looking at this from a different perspective. Reframe your beliefs into a positive outlook. Start by changing the narrative instead of thinking ‘I will never find a job I love’ think ‘there’s a job out there for me it just might take some time and effort to find it’. By acknowledging that it’s going to be difficult helps with your resilience and to keep trying.
Set SMART goals - often the goal we have set ourselves is the big picture goal the challenge with this is we often lose steam and heart before we achieve it. Therefore setting smaller targeted goals that help you on the journey gives you sense of control and achievement. You can download my free worksheet here.
Take action - every day towards your goal, change is made from incremental 1% changes that add up to make a big change. It has the added benefit of releasing dopamine as each time we set a new goal and take action to achieve it we have a hit of this feel good hormone.
Celebrate the small wins - when we celebrate we get another hit of dopamine, celebrations need to be instant and in preparation with the win. So you may just play your favourite song each time you complete your goals for the day, but when you get your dream job you go out for dinner to celebrate.
You can unlearn Learned Helplessness
It’s never too late to make a change. As painful as it can be to live through those experiences, it’s not impossible to overcome your limited self beliefs if you are determined to do so.
If you follow the plan above you will quickly find you feel in control, engaged and motivated to change your circumstances. Once you achieve this you will soon start to see the results of your efforts and you will feel a lot happier.
